Take the Stairs - 7 Steps to Achieving True Success

This book rocked my world. Seriously, if you're looking for a kick in the pants, Mr. Vaden delivers!

In the process of trying to keep all my balls in the air, I feel like I have been in a constant state of falling short on my goals and running late on my to-do lists. When I stumbled on this book I knew I had to read it ASAP. But with a shed to finish and cold weather on the horizon, where was I going to find the time to sit and read? Lucky for me, I didn't have to. With a hammer in my hand and a tool belt on my waist, I plugged my earbuds in and listened to the audio.

The tips Mr. Vaden gives are brilliant! In fact, I loved this book so much I will be purchasing a print copy to love and mark-up, and share in discussion with my husband and our children. There is great value here for teenagers, young adults, and those of us who claim maturity. We plan to discuss it, one chapter a week, as a family. Yeah, its that good.

From the back of the book:

Do you ride the escalator-or take the stairs?

No matter how you define success, it always requires one thing: self-discipline. But as popular speaker and strategist Rory Vaden explains, we live in an "escalator world"-one that's filled with shortcuts, quick fixes, and distractions that make it all too easy to slide into procrastination, compromise, and mediocrity. What seems like an easier path is really much harder in the end-and, most important, it won't take you where you want to go.

How do successful people stay focused and achieve results? This lively and insightful guide presents a simple program for taking the stairs-that is, for overcoming the temptations of quick fixes and procrastination, conquering creative avoidance, and transcending personal setbacks in order to tackle the work that leads to real success.

Whatever your goals are, Rory Vaden's proven approach will get you there-one stair at a time.

Check it out on Amazon

Five Virtues of Successful Parenting

I'm asked from time to time when I'm going to write a book on parenting. After I finish laughing, I am humbled by the compliment. I suppose those queries are a testament to the great children whom I'm blessed to have in my home. I'm not sure the credit is mine or my husbands to take alone, but I am sure there are some keys - virtues if you will - that have helped us along the way: 

Patience - Patience, while being a virtue, is also a process. I use to think that I fared pretty good on the good ol' patience scale... Life has since proved me wrong! Regardless of the chapter you find yourself in, parenting can be the ultimate test of patience. And, it's not like your children purposely try to dance on your nerves... oh, who am I kidding? Yes, they sometimes do!! But most of the time, the knot-wrenching they cause is inadvertent and honestly innocent.  

Be patient. Bite your tongue. Breathe. The most valuable lesson I've learned as a parent is to pick my battles. Ask yourself if the supposed infraction is really that important. Is your child hurting himself or others? Is he causing damage to property? Or, is he simply exploring his world, learning its natural boundaries, and in the process, making a mess of your pristine home? Be reasonable, rational, and realistic with your expectations. Not only will your children benefit as you step back and relax, your physical wellness will thank you too.

Humility - I remember the first time I screwed up as a parent... Okay, probably not the first time, but the first blatantly obvious time. While we may not like to give breath to our weaknesses or our failures, lets admit it, we are not perfect. I don't care who you are, at some point you will take a wrong step in your parenting adventures. Painful as it may be to your pride, admitting your faults is not a sign of weakness. In fact, little words like "I'm sorry," or "Can you please help me?" are imperative to becoming a good parent. If you are unwilling to recognize your faults, how can you improve upon them? Successful parents are teachable parents. Learn to apologize when you fall - especially to your children! Be teachable and understanding. 

Pride - I'm not talking about the "puffed up" kind of pride that the Bible so importantly reminds us to avoid. Talents, success, beauty, and even smarts should not be the target of our affection. While it's important to recognize our children's strengths and abilities, it's also important that they know you are proud of them regardless of the trophies, honors, or accolades they receive. I've been in several situations where parent's play the "one-up" game using their children as their pawns. "My kid does x,y, and z..." "Oh yah, well my kid does a, b, c, and D!!" What if your child doesn't do x,y, z, a, b, c, or d? Does that make him/her an invalid person? What if Johnny doesn't play football but instead finds joy in serving others? What if Janey doesn't like to dance but loves to lose herself in books? 

My children may never earn a Pulitzer, a Heizman, or a Grammy, but that doesn't negate the fact that they are amazing people. Be proud of who they are, not what they can do. Thankfully we all come with our own personalities, talents, and interests. Our hobbies and interests may not be the same as our children's... and that's okay! At the end of the day, the potential size of your child's future paycheck or the number of trophies that adorn his/her wall are not important. Their ability to love and to feel love, however, is. Rather than trying to force your interests on your children, why not let them discover their own? Embrace their uniqueness and find pride in the gift of parenthood. All children - both yours and mine - have the potential to do much good in this world. Teach them to love and respect themselves and humanity, and you will always have cause to be proud.  

Humor - Laugh. Life's too precious and too short to be serious 100% of the time. Sure, there's a time and a place to be all buttoned up and serious, but there are also appropriate times to let loose and laugh! Find joy in your parenting journey. Fill your home with laughter. Children are delightful. Parenthood is tough, but it can also be fun! Play  with you kids. Kick back and enjoy a good belly jiggling, tear-invoking, snort-inducing laugh. 

Gratitude - Every night I hit my knees to thank my Heavenly Father for entrusting me with the care and nurture of His beautiful, valuable children. Parenthood is not an opportunity any of us should take lightly. As parents - and even grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends - we have an obligation to teach, prepare, and ultimately love the little people in our lives. While most of my children are no longer technically "little people" (three of them are as big or bigger than me) they are still precious children of our Heavenly Father... and they will always be my babies! 

I know that there are certain phases of your child's progression where time may seem to drag by, but believe me when I tell you to cherish those moments. Nobody loves tripping over collections of baby dolls or having little legos brutally lodged into the sole of your foot, but be grateful for them, for that chapter of innocent chaos will close sooner than you expect. I know it's cliche to say so, but they really do grow up soooo fast. Diapers turn to playdates, then homework, then real dates and driving, and then.... sigh... 

Be grateful for each step of the journey. Be humble, teachable, patient, loving, and full of joy. Cherish every moment, create memories, and look forward to each amazing chapter! 

 

What are you willing to do to invite the Spirit into your home?

This week I've had the opportunity to attend multiple sessions of our Stake Conference and while I've been greatly fed with inspired thoughts and messages, there is one thought that has implanted itself in the forefront of my mind:

What are YOU willing to do to invite the Spirit into your home?

Not, "what are you doing to encourage or teach or compel others to invite the Spirit?" Not even, "what are you currently doing?" If you're home isn't as Christ-centered as it could be, if a spirit of contention keeps rearing it's ugly face, if happiness doesn't fill your walls, WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO TO CHANGE IT? 

Imagine for a moment a place full of tranquility, peace, kindness and love.



If you're home is anything like ours, tranquility can seem an almost impossible destination. With two teenagers, a tween-ager, and a energetic ten year old, a moment of peace can often be hard to find. We juggle busy schedules, stacks of homework, household chores, and family time among other things. I trip over backpacks, pick up discarded candy wrappers, and search frequently for misplaced shoes. On top of it all, we seem to be under the constant influence of  the TV, computer, or iPods. And, as much as I'd like to believe that other's are living in the blissful state of Utopia, I can't help but wonder if we are more normal than not.

More than once I've been accused of setting the bar high for myself and my household, but I think it's safe to say that most of us desire a happy, clean, chaos free environment to one degree or another.  Peace cannot coexist with contention. It is impossible for light and dark to fill the same space. In short, Satan cannot bare his influence where the Spirit of the Lord dwells.

"One of our greatest goals as parents should be to enjoy the power and influence of the Holy Ghost in our homes."  (Joseph B. Wirthlin)

I invite you to ponder, as I have, the degree to which you have the Spirit in your life. Are you happy? Are you doing anything in your life or in your home that might offend the Spirit? Are you spending your time in pursuit of pleasure at the cost of more important things? Do the programs you watch and the music you listen to overpower the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost? Are you kind? Forgiving? Patient?

Each of us holds the power to change. As parents I think we sometimes forget that it is not our right to change our children. We can't force change upon anyone. Even the best laid intentions to force someone to do something beyond their will is in fact contrary to the agency our Heavenly Father desired for us. The only person we can change is ourself! We can look for "teaching moments" and carefully try to influence our children towards good decisions, but ultimately they need to be allowed to exercise their independence. Thus, I can encourage my children to solve their conflicts constructively and with kindness, but I also need to recognize the possibility that I could (unintentionally) be part of the problem. The influence of one can have immeasurable impact on many.

Which brings me back to my original question, but this time I pose it in a more personal prose:

What am I willing to do to invite the Spirit into my home?
What am I willing to change? What am I willing to sacrifice? What am I willing to let slide, to forgive, to repent of, or to do differently in order to be personally worthy of the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.

It really is a question of choice... we can choose to direct our path towards true happiness or we can choose to continue down the dead-end road to despair. Either way, the choice is ours. Choose wisely, however, for we will reap what we sow.

Prom - A Chance for Teens (and, uh-hum, parents) to Exercise True Maturity

It's that time of year that every high school student anticipates - either with excitement or dread. I'm not talking about graduation, though I'm sure there is much joy and angst over that too - I'm talking about PROM.

Where we live our high schools host Junior Prom but you don't necessarily have to be a junior to partake of all the excitement. I know of seniors and even sophomores who attended our local Prom this past weekend. For me, the experience signified a few different emotions:


Pride: It was the first time I got to see my son in a tux! For those of you have yet to cross this bridge, I recommend you prepare yourself with some tissue. I'm not a crier, but in all honesty, it stirred some very real emotions in my heart to see my "baby boy" all dressed up. There's nothing that says "grown up" like a classy tuxedo!


Nostalgia:  By reason of obvious correlation, Prom makes me wax a bit nostalgic. Of course I remember my own Prom. In only my wildest dreams did I dare imagine that the handsome young man who escorted me to the Prom would actually become the handsome man who escorts me through every event in my life.


Fear: Okay, maybe fear is a bit strong, but honestly, I can't think of a better emotion. Let me explain...

A handful of years ago my husband and I took a little trip to Baltimore, MD. We arrived in the city late in the evening, exhausted from a long day of travel but excited for the adventures that lay ahead of us. Among other things, our agenda included a visit to the historical Fort McHenry (where the Star Spangled Banner was written!) and a tour of Washington DC. Unbeknownst to the both of us, however, we were about to have a Prom experience!  


A chill blew off the bay and onto my arms as I exited the rental car. As I rubbed warmth into my  extremities, I noticed several groups of teenagers lingering around the downtown hotel entrance - the boys in tuxedos the girls barely clad with small slices of fabric. How were they not freezing? Most of their shoulders were bare and many of their dresses were barely long enough to cover their back-ends. We didn't pay much mind to them as we rolled our luggage into the lobby, but the reality of the situation hit as soon as we tried to check-in. 


Though we had a reservation, the hotel had to scramble to find us a room. "It's Prom," the desk attendant shrugged as if that explained everything. Maybe it was the look of confusion on our faces or perhaps even our conservative looking attire, but she explained further. "Parent's rent their kids hotel rooms for Prom. We are overbooked." She may have even attached a "duh" to the end of her statement but I was too busy picking my chin up off the marble floor to have heard her.

So, here is were my fear comes in... Regardless of where we live, what religion we subscribe to, or our socioeconomic class, Prom seams to have earned the reputation as an event that excuses virtue, modesty, and ultimately chastity. It doesn't matter if you live in downtown Baltimore or rural Utah, to one extent or another, Prom is seen as an opportunity to exercise perceived maturity through drinking, drug use, or sexual activity.

I guess the big question is, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT? Okay, this would be a "parent" question, because honestly, teens probably aren't asking that.  The question for teens is more likely, WHY DOES IT MATTER?... aka WHO CARES?

Let me attempt to answer both questions:

For Teens:  

Why does virtue, modesty, chastity, or physical cleanliness (uh-hum, drinking or drugs) matter? 

• Let's start with drugs and alcohol. Would you hop in the passenger seat and give the Devil the keys to your car? Facetiousness aside, I think the honest answer is NO. So, why then, would you give him the "keys" to your body, your mind, and your actions? Why would you willingly hand over your independence to someone who's primary mission is to destroy you? Drugs and alcohol impede your independence.  
• We hear the words "recreational use" thrown around a lot, but lets be honest here: Why would you want to surrender your control for even a minute? And, where do you draw the line between "recreation" and "addiction?" I've never met an addict who's life goal was to be an addict. I've also never met an addict who is happy with the state of his/her life. A couple quick examples: I knew a  kid who "recreationally" used various drugs. One night he thought he'd give Oxy a try... you know, just to see what it was like. Long story short, after a single dose, his body went into cardiac arrest and a 15 year old's body was lay to rest. I had a very close friend use, at first prescription, then eventually harder drugs to escape the stress of his home life. Eventually that crutch turned into recreational use, then addiction, and ultimately onto the death of a fun, smart, potential-filled person. He was only 19. I also know an adult who started "recreationally" using in high school. For a number of years her life went okay. She had a successful carrier, a happy marriage, and beautiful children... until, her addiction took over. Even though she was able to have a degree of success, it was short lived. Her drug use landed her in prison, took away her job and her family, and left her alone. These are just a few examples from my own personal experience. Unfortunately, I could list one example after the other of how drugs or alcohol have RUINED the lives of people I know and love! Ask yourself this: IS RECREATIONAL USE WORTH THE RISK?  

Lets move on.... 

• Modesty - Let's face it, if you dress to draw attention to your body, you will draw attention to your body! Duh, right? But, maybe you should ask yourself what purpose that serves. Do you really think enticing someone to notice your body will actually make them notice the person inside? You are more than just a pretty face or an exposed neckline. You have purpose and value despite the physical appetites your body might induce. The way you dress actually serves as a means of advertising who you are. What does the way you dress say about you? And, what does it say about how you value yourself and what you are willing to do?   
• Sex is not a RIGHT of adulthood. In fact, it's not a right at all. It is a PRIVILEGE reserved for the purpose of creating families and is an unselfish expression of love within marriage. When practiced outside of marriage, it serves one of three purposes: (1) fulfillment of your own selfish desire or (2) surrender to someone else's selfish desires, or (3) the temporary satisfaction of a craving for validation. There are very few times in life when SELFISHNESS, SURRENDER, and TEMPORARY FULFILLMENT aren't traits of weakness.  VIRTUE is a desired trait. It is, essentially, the pinnacle of moral excellence. As the parent to modesty and chastity, our virtue defines the type of person we are, the type of person we want to be, and the quality of the relationships we have with others.
• Sex is more than physical pleasure. I recently read an article defending the "right" to casual sex. I'm not going to post a link to it, because, frankly, it made smoke shoot out my ears! The argument was, "Sex is nothing more than physical pleasure."  Why then, if it's nothing more than physical, do hearts get so easily broken by infidelity? If there is no emotional connection, then the purpose of sex is purely selfish, and we've already defined that selfishness is weakness.

• So, what if I truly love someone? What if there is an emotional element?... To put it bluntly: If you love them, you will respect their virtue and they will respect yours. Sex is akin to letting a caged dog run free. Once you open the gate, you're going to have a heck of a time closing it again. Once you've surrendered your virginity, you cannot get it back. And, once you've experienced those pleasures, you will crave them. A dog who has run free is hard to put back in his cage. Keep those desires caged until you have a safe and appropriate "yard" for them to run in. The only "safe" place for sex - emotionally, physically (to avoid STDs, unplanned pregnancy, etc), and spiritually - is within the bonds of a healthy, loving marriage. 

The bottom line: If you really want to exercise your independence and maturity, you will not surrender your control to anyone or anything! 

For Parents: 

What can I do about it?... Or, perhaps: How do I keep my kid from being a statistic? 

• Aside from ballgowns, tuxedos, corsages, boutineers, and limos, we need to make sure that our teens have a healthy supply of self-worth when they walk out the door. Self-worth can't be purchased for any price. It comes primarily from supportive, attentive, expectant parents. It is nurtured in a loving home. Respect your children, have open, honest conversations with them, and - no matter what they do - love them! It's a really simple recipe, but it works. Validate your children and they won't have to look elsewhere for it.

• Be clear with what your guidelines are. Set your expectations and be prepared to explain your "whys." If you need suggestions for how to talk to your kids, click here for some tips. The LDS church puts out a fabulous pamphlet, For the Strength of Youth, that discusses drugs and alcohol, dating, dress, sexual purity, and a plethora of other topics. Whether you are Mormon or not, the information contained in this pamphlet may help you more clearly define what your personal guidelines and standards are. 

Here's to a happy and successful Prom season of being mature, responsible, and above all: exercising self-respect! If you don't do anything you might regret, hey, you just saved yourself a lot of regret!

Utah HB363 - A sure way to raise teen pregnancy rates

I try to avoid talking politics here, but this one just rubs me sooooo wrong. The Utah Legislature recently passed House Bill 363, which in a nutshell prevents the instruction of anything other than abstinence in our schools. It states that schools are only to "teach and stress: the importance of abstinence from all sexual activity before marriage and fidelity after marriage." It also "imposes certain restrictions for human sexuality instructional programs." 
            
As a mother, this frustrates me. As a teen-mother, it infuriates me!

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way opposed to the teaching of abstinence, but to suggest that it is an end all to our teen pregnancy and STD problems is completely ignorant. Whether we want to admit it or not, TEENS ARE HAVING SEX! (Recent reports put this number as high as 33% in Utah). And, while it is a parent's responsibility to teach their children about sex - in whatever form their personal values indicate - it is, unfortunately, unrealistic to expect that they actually will. Let's face it, the majority of parents DON'T talk to their kids about it. And, when they do, they teach abstinence only... the key word here is: ONLY! Frankly, a teen who's having sex is a teen who's not talking to his/her parent about it. A kid who's having sex isn't likely to ask their parent about contraceptives or protection.  So, how do they get information to protect themselves?

We need to jump off the "parent responsibility" band wagon because, to be bold and honest, parent's simply aren't taking the responsibility. Honestly, if you are a parent, when was the last time you talked frankly, honestly, and boldly to your children about sex? Likely you've said something like, "Hey, don't do it," but have you really given them details? Have you opened a door of communication? Do your children know not just the dangers of having premarital (or extramarital) sex, but also ways to protect themselves if by chance they find themselves in the situation? (I attest to you that even "good kids" fall into this temptation!)

By all means, no parent wants their child having sex before they are married. None of us even want to think about it. Many parents even blush and get all embarrassed about the subject. Why? Why don't we teach our kids? Why do we - unintentionally or not - sweep it under the rug? Sex isn't bad. Sex is a beautiful, natural, God-given right to express love and create families... and it should only happen within the bounds of marriage. Unfortunately, the number of teen-pregnancies (and teen STDs) in Utah suggests that many kids are choosing against abstinence.

What can we do?

We teach them abstinence. We teach them that it is the only 100% fool-proof method to avoiding pregnancy, STDs, and even the emotional (and spiritual) damage that comes with premarital sex. But, we also inform them! Ignorance is not a substitution for protection. And, education isn't the same as promotion. If our children aren't being provided CORRECT information at school, where will they get it?

A campaign has started to encourage Governor Herbert to veto this bill. If you want to help protect our children, Sign the Petition here.


(Click here To Read the bill )

Setting Your Standards

I remember it as if it were yesterday... okay, not really, but it sounded good in my head... but, I do remember it with more vividness than I should given the amount of time that has passed since that day. My phone - probably one with an actual cord on it - rang and my young little heart skipped a beat when my brother announced that the very mature, much older than me, 17 year old first counselor of the Priest Quorum wanted to talk to me. He was cute; like a solid 10 in my young mind, and he was calling for me! Whoo hoo! What little Beehive wouldn't be thrilled?

And then he laid it on me.

Twelve shades of red filled my cheeks - one for each degree of humiliation I felt at his question. Twelve shades of innocence, naivety, shock, embarrassment, inadequacy, and fear all weighed on me. "The Bishop has asked that you speak on Sunday," he started. "And, your topic is sexual purity."

Copies of the newly revised For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet were recently distributed to the young men and young women (12-18 year olds) in our ward. As I thumbed through one, I began to wax a bit nostalgic. I'm not going to tell you how old I am, but I will tell you that the first version of this inspired little pamphlet came out when I was a young woman. Perhaps I only remember this because our Bishop decided to dedicate a whole Sacrament Meeting to the introduction of it. Namely, to have a youth briefly share each of the twelve standards outlined. 

It's funny how time changes things. I don't know how I did it, but somehow I talked that "cute, older boy" into trading me topics. Perhaps he just felt sorry for me. Maybe he just possessed the maturity to cover it that I didn't. Whatever the case, I was uber-grateful then and I think I've more than made up for it by now.

Don't worry, I'm not about to hop on my soapbox and promote sexual purity - although, if you want me to I'm more than happy to do it. What I am going to say, however, is this:

Thank you to The First Presidency of the LDS Church for being in-tune enough with our youth to provide them with more guidance. Our world is different than it was all those years ago when I wiggled my way out of talking about a "sensitive" subject, and our kids need honest facts and guidelines to help them navigate. I was excited to compare all three versions of the pamphlet next to each other and to find that each revision has merely been an upgrade. Truths that were taught when I was young continue to be taught, but now with more detail. Sexual purity has grown from a five paragraph guideline (1990 edition), then nine (2001 edition), and ultimately to an eleven paragraph one (copyright 2011). Not only that, but those initial 12 guidelines have grown to 18!

What a blessing this little book can be to our youth. I'm grateful for the opportunity to review it again and to use it as a guide as I teach my children to be steadfast and valiant in their preparations to meet God.

Tips for Talking with Teens

It's kind of a funny microcosm of life, this struggle many adults experience when it comes to talking with their children. At one point every adult was a teenager, yet somewhere along the road to maturity they somehow forget what its like to be a kid. I've seen and heard both sides of the communication coin: kids who would "never!" talk to their parents and kids who talk freely with their parents about everything. The common thread is this, whether they recognize and admit it or not, teens crave open communication with their parents.

So, what's the problem then? If teens want to talk, why do they grumble and shrug and avoid all contact? The simple answer is not an easy one to swallow, but here it is: PARENTS BUILD WALLS.

Now, take a deep breath and don't get all defensive. You probably didn't even realize you were building, but over the course of years, brick by little brick has been stacked. You swore you'd never be like your parents. You promised yourself you'd be the "cool" ones. Yet, somewhere you lost hold on that precious little baby and before you knew it he/she was almost grown. The time went so fast and now you're staring in the face - eye to eye in some cases - a child who is no longer a child... a young, independent teen that seems to want nothing to do with you. But, it's not too late. You don't simply have to cower in the corner and wait out the storm. Just because you built that wall, brick by brick, doesn't mean you can't knock it down. It's never too late to establish a pattern of effective communication with your teens.

5 little tips to help break down the parent/teen communication barrier: 

(These apply equally to all youth that cross your path, not just those who share your blood-line.)  

1. Talk to kids like they are people, um, because they are! And, not only are they people, they are intelligent, thinking individuals, with thoughts and worries just like you. KIDS ARE SMART - don't dehumanize them by talking to them like they are idiots. Don't pretend to be their intellectual superiors. There's nothing that will open communication quicker than leveling the playing field. This doesn't negate the need for respect, just remember, it goes both ways.

2. Talk to your kids every day, not just when an issue arises. And, not just about "important" stuff. Laugh and joke and have a good time with each other. Think about it for a minute: you would never want to share your important thoughts with a stranger, would you? Well, then why would your kids? Create an atmosphere of familiarity and comfort, and if or when a big issue arises, your kids will feel comfortable coming to you because THEY KNOW YOU!

3. Listen. Respect. The counterpart to talking is listening. And, honestly, these two activities don't always equally balance the scale. Human nature - or at least "parent nature" - is to get the last word. This isn't necessarily the best approach. We don't have to fix everything, and as a matter of fact, we shouldn't. Sometimes the job of a parent is to simply LISTEN. Don't try to correct the action or solve the problem, just listen. Often the mere verbalizing of a concern and the opportunity to think through it out loud allows kids the ability to see the magnitude of their situation and recognize solutions on their own. When we listen and offer only needful, appropriate advice, we allow our children to (1) feel accepted and (2) to learn how to find solutions on their own.We also allow room for natural consequences to play out.

4. Be slow to judge or condemn. Remember, you were a kid once too, and likely, stupidity blurred your path at least once. If you lead a kid to believe that they are a bad person or at least incapable of making good decisions, you've set the stage for them to throw in the towel and prove you right! Avoid phrases like, "Well that was dumb," or "Wow, you're stupid." Instead use constructive conversation and thought provoking questions like, "What do you think of that decision?", or "How did that make you feel?" or even, "Knowing what you know now, do you recognize where you went wrong? And, the next time something like this comes up, what can you do to ensure a more positive outcome?"  

5. Be Comfortable talking about the difficult stuff. Seriously, if you can't talk about dating or drugs or sex without blushing, you are going to make them uncomfortable and they will take their questions and concerns somewhere else. It's a simple, but honest truth. They are seeing and hearing about these things all around them anyway, so don't think you're going to tell them something they haven't already heard somewhere else. Be the voice of honesty and the provider of accurate information. Don't shy away or beat around the bush. Sweeping taboo subjects under the rug doesn't make them go away, it only hides them. Your kids will not only appreciate your honesty, they will see you as a safe and comfortable resource for important information.

Developing Character

Unfortunately, none of us are immune to stupidity. As part of the human condition we all, at one point or another, fall unwittingly into its trap. This applies equally to adults as well as children. Adolescents, it seems,are the most susceptible. 


Even my own brilliant prodigy are prone! 


It seems only slightly ironic to me that the subject of character would be so heavily on my mind on the same day that I've been invited to guest blog on a site called The Character Connection. Ironic, perhaps because of the coincidental timing. Timely because of something that recently played out in our household. 


In the Worlton home we have a mantra of respect and responsibility. It is upon these two traits that I believe every other virtue derives. From a very young age we've tried to instill these characteristics in our children.In the words of Anne Frank, however, we learn that: 

"Parents can only give good advice or put [their children] on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." 

Fast forward to the teen-years...


My son pulled me aside the other day to tell me about something stupid that he'd done and - with a broken spirit - to suggest punishment for it. Sadly, this level of responsibility is almost unheard of in today's world of entitlement. Most kids (and adults too) approach their mistakes with an attitude of secrecy. My son could've easily taken this road as it's likely I'd have never found out on my own. But he didn't. He took the higher road. He accepted responsibility without being caught! 


I don't share this as a means to pat my own back as his parent, but to awe at the depth of  character already developing in this sixteen year old. As is often the case, I find myself the student and my children the teachers.


So, to my son - I applaud your honesty and courage. Thank you for respecting your father and me enough to accept responsibility for your poor choices. Your strong, unflinching character will define you and endear you to those whose paths you cross.  

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.  -- Eleanor Roosevelt