I've reached a turning point. Actually, I must have reached it a while back and it came so subtly I just didn't realize it. I'd guess it was somewhere after his 6 month mark. Maybe closer to his 7th. Really, I can't put a finger on it though, because it was quiet. Uneventful. Natural.
I don't miss him as much any more.
I know there are mothers that may think that I lack compassion or that I am heartless for saying I don't spend every day missing my son who is halfway around the world, but I'd like to think that it means that (1) I've done my job in raising an independent, responsible child and (2) that I've learned to TRUST in God's plan for that child.
After many grueling, sleepless nights, I feel at peace about where my Elder is and, more importantly, where he is not. The natural progression of life is such that a child should leave his parents and experience what this beautiful life has to offer. If we keep them chained to home, how can we expect them to grow and reach their potential? If we boo-hoo incessantly about how empty we feel without their daily communication, how can we expect them not to reciprocate? And, if we doubt, and worry, and fret constantly about them, where is our trust being placed?
Now I'm not saying that I don't miss him. Absolutely I do. But not hourly or even daily. There are moments that he crosses my mind. There are events that make me miss him. There are activities that I wish he could join us in, but he is having his own moments, experiencing his own events, and participating in his own activities. He is making his own priceless memories... without me. And it's okay. No, it's more than okay, its fabulous!
I've put my son in the hands of the Lord and if I can't trust Him to know what my child needs, who can I trust?
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
- Proverbs 3: 5-6
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