Never Give Up!

I think its safe to say that all of us have trials in our lives... or at minimum obstacles that we must overcome. Sometimes those obstacles are ones we've set in place ourselves and other times they exist despite our best wishes that they didn't. Life can get down-right hard sometimes and at points it can even seem unfair. But, as I learned  from my nine year old the other day, there is nothing gained by simply giving up.

I know as parents we sometimes tend to see ourselves as the teachers and our children as the students, but more often than not, I find the opposite to be true. Maybe I've just been blessed with amazing kids (okay, I'm going to gloat, there's no "maybe" about it: my children are incredible... and the best part is, they just came that way!). But, my kids aren't alone. Children, without knowing they are doing it, have the ability to teach us if we will but humble ourselves enough to let them.  

Poised to move quick and take the other down, two boys squared off on the wrestling mat. With intense eyes and serious dispositions, they stared at each other, neither showing a glimmer of fear or an ounce of conceit. And then, the whistle blew and the dance started. Though equally matched in height and age, one held an obvious advantage over the other. With an extra 20 pounds of girth,one boy was size-ably larger than his scrawny little counterpart. From the sidelines there was already a clear winner. But, to the boys, that advantage was less clear. 


It didn't take long for the larger boy to take the skinny one down. It was a pure matter of physics as Goliath's take-down technique was nothing short of a belly-flop. As a parent, I sat on the sidelines cheering for my scrawny son, praying he didn't get hurt, and hoping for a positive outcome. 

Certainly I could have called the match and saved my tall, skinny beanpole from three rounds of Goliath's smashing, but as I watched, I sensed that something greater was happening than a simple little-league wresting match. 


I watched my 70lb giant take on his Goliath-sized opponent with determination and skill. He could have rolled over and let himself get pinned and nobody would have faulted him for doing so. But he fought... and he fought hard!  He knew how to maneuver his way around, and despite the other kid's sizable weight advantage, used all of the strength, wisdom, and determination that he could muster to try to gain the advantage. Every time my little giant would manage his way out from under the weight of his opponent, he'd regain his footing just in time to be belly-flopped to the mat again. His nose was red from the impact; his ribs sore from the pounding... and yet, he continued to fight. For three heart-wrenching rounds I knelt on the side of the pad holding my breath with each smashing.

At the final whistle blow, I let out a sigh of relief that the pounding was finally over. The referee raised Goliath's hand in victory and all I could do was contain myself from throwing my arms around my son (which for the record is a serious "no, no" for mom's at little league events.) I learned more than I ever wanted to know about enduring to the end and his lesson on persevering against the odds spoke volumes, but that's not where the lesson ended.

As soon as the referee dropped Goliath's victorious hand, my son reached for it and with a smile on his face, thanked his tormentor for the match. If I wasn't already near tears by that point, his final act of humanity about pushed me over the edge.

He may not have won the match, but that didn't mean he was defeated! A lesser boy could have simply walked away with his smashed pride, but my tender nine-year old showed what it was like to be a gracious looser... And he took what he learned in that match to improve himself. Rather than wallowing in broken pride (and smashed ribs), he evaluated his weaknesses as well as his strengths and determined to prepare himself for future Goliath's.

And my point... because, yes, I did have a point to sharing this, is:
Never give up! Life is hard and sometimes we are unfairly matched against our own Goliath's, but that doesn't mean that we have to let them defeat us. Our challenges might be tough, but when we get to the end of the "match" hopefully we haven't just rolled over and let ourselves get pinned. Hopefully, we fight with all the wisdom, skill, perseverance and faith that we can muster! And when the challenge is over, hopefully we can find the value in it and grow from the experience.

Does CLEAN really make us feel better?

"Mom, I need some hangers," my doughy-eyed eleven year old sighed. "My laundry is sitting on my couch getting all wrinkled." 


My response came out in the form of a chuckle. "But, two days ago the entire contents of your closet was on the floor.  Not only have the clean and the dirty been closely mingling with each other, you've been wearing wrinkly clothes for months, why does it matter now?"


"Because I've changed. Clean feels good." 


It's no secret that I'm an organizer. I like things neatly arranged in their proper place... and if they don't have a "proper place" then I like to create one. Sure, things get out of order from time to time as life gets hectic, but at the core, I like ORDER. Order brings me peace. That's why being a mother is sometimes my biggest challenge.

When my children were little, I remember the anticipation of them getting old enough to take care of their own messes. I remember thinking life would be heaven if I could just make it from one end of the house to the other without tripping on little plastic toys or an assortment of baby doll paraphernalia... Well, that day has come and I'm here to tell you, MY HOUSE IS MORE CHAOTIC THAN EVER!

To an OCD mom, organization is the key to sanity! And yet, the older my children get, the more they seem to mess with my organization. Perhaps they enjoy my depleting sanity. Maybe that's why they mess with me so much. They may not scatter toys anymore, but what they do do is get into my stuff! My tool box is strewn throughout the house and so is all of my sewing stuff. Finding things in the kitchen is a daily scavenger hunt, and their bedrooms often look like a bomb went off.

So, if it bothers me so much, why do I let them get into things? Why do they take their turn emptying the dishwasher? Why do I let them use my sewing stuff? Why do they have access to my tools? And... why don't I clean their rooms?

Simply because my time to teach them is short. If they don't have access to tools, how will they know how to use them? If they aren't expected to help in the kitchen, how will they take care of their own? If they don't learn to sew, how will they know how to mend stuff?
If you don't experience some chaos how can you appreciate the calm?

As much as it kills me to ignore messy rooms, I don't see any value in cleaning them for them. I've tried that method, and believe me, it didn't work. All that was accomplished is a worn out, frustrated mother with ungrateful, expectant children. I think there is a lot more value in giving them ownership and responsibility for their own stuff. If they can't find a pair of pants... not my problem. If their favorite shirt smells like dirty socks because it got chucked on the floor instead of put away... again, not my problem.

It's been a long time coming, but to quote my newly converted eleven year old, "Clean feels good!"


I don't know how long it will last, but the fact that she asked me to help her clean out her room over the weekend is a good start. We are heading in the right direction. I don't doubt that she will turn her room into a war zone again, but I hope that she will remember the peace that came to her when it was clean.

Oh Hannah!

~ A hero can only be as bright as a villain is dark ~ 

It seems that one of the most frequent conversation topics in Hope's Journey centers around the character of Hannah. "Oh, Hannah!" people often sigh with disdain. Stomachs churn at her implications. Jaws clench at her arrogance. But, who is this Hannah and why does she drive people so mad? 

First of all: Is Hannah real? 

Yes... and no! She is real in the sense that people like her exist in our society. I have seen her smug self-righteousness, felt her judgments, experienced her condemnation, and I'm sure I'm not alone. She walks among us, carrying pride on her shoulder as she preaches perfection, though the sermon is lost on herself. Hopefully she is not reflected in our own eyes, though the ones who carry her reflection are probably the least likely to notice it.  

So, where does the 'no' part of my answer come in? The beauty of writing fiction is that I can cast my characters however I see best fit for the telling of the story. Sometimes, however, readers want to believe that elements of the story are truer to life than they really are. And, while there are some characters who are pretty close representations of actual people in my life (ie: Gramms), the same doesn't hold true for most of them. Hannah is not my "Alex's" real mom. His real mom is a loving, caring, kind mother and grandmother... and we have a great relationship. She has not only been accepting of me, she has taught me much and served as a great example in my life. 

So, who is Hannah Hastings and what does she represent? 

In the simplest summation I can give, Hannah is an embodiment of the strangers, friends, neighbors, youth leaders, and even parents who are so quick to set themselves on a pedestal. She doesn't represent a single person, but a conglomeration of many. Unfortunately, Hannah's character exists around us more than we may recognize. There are those who  choose to exert their own holiness by condemning those who have stumbled. She encapsulates those who so easily preach sermons about "casting the first stone" but - whether intentional or not - toss hurtful rocks of their own. 

How did I decide where to "cast" her in the story?

When I first conceived the character of Hannah, she didn't have a name or a definitive roll in the story, except to represent the hurt that is so easily slung towards those who make mistakes. To fulfill her purpose, she had to be in position where she could hold influence over both Sydney and Alex. She couldn't merely be a friend, she had to have a more direct link than that. When I finally decided to cast her as Alex's mom, it just felt right. Where else could she have cast such doubt? Where else could she have done so much damage? 

Setting Your Standards

I remember it as if it were yesterday... okay, not really, but it sounded good in my head... but, I do remember it with more vividness than I should given the amount of time that has passed since that day. My phone - probably one with an actual cord on it - rang and my young little heart skipped a beat when my brother announced that the very mature, much older than me, 17 year old first counselor of the Priest Quorum wanted to talk to me. He was cute; like a solid 10 in my young mind, and he was calling for me! Whoo hoo! What little Beehive wouldn't be thrilled?

And then he laid it on me.

Twelve shades of red filled my cheeks - one for each degree of humiliation I felt at his question. Twelve shades of innocence, naivety, shock, embarrassment, inadequacy, and fear all weighed on me. "The Bishop has asked that you speak on Sunday," he started. "And, your topic is sexual purity."

Copies of the newly revised For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet were recently distributed to the young men and young women (12-18 year olds) in our ward. As I thumbed through one, I began to wax a bit nostalgic. I'm not going to tell you how old I am, but I will tell you that the first version of this inspired little pamphlet came out when I was a young woman. Perhaps I only remember this because our Bishop decided to dedicate a whole Sacrament Meeting to the introduction of it. Namely, to have a youth briefly share each of the twelve standards outlined. 

It's funny how time changes things. I don't know how I did it, but somehow I talked that "cute, older boy" into trading me topics. Perhaps he just felt sorry for me. Maybe he just possessed the maturity to cover it that I didn't. Whatever the case, I was uber-grateful then and I think I've more than made up for it by now.

Don't worry, I'm not about to hop on my soapbox and promote sexual purity - although, if you want me to I'm more than happy to do it. What I am going to say, however, is this:

Thank you to The First Presidency of the LDS Church for being in-tune enough with our youth to provide them with more guidance. Our world is different than it was all those years ago when I wiggled my way out of talking about a "sensitive" subject, and our kids need honest facts and guidelines to help them navigate. I was excited to compare all three versions of the pamphlet next to each other and to find that each revision has merely been an upgrade. Truths that were taught when I was young continue to be taught, but now with more detail. Sexual purity has grown from a five paragraph guideline (1990 edition), then nine (2001 edition), and ultimately to an eleven paragraph one (copyright 2011). Not only that, but those initial 12 guidelines have grown to 18!

What a blessing this little book can be to our youth. I'm grateful for the opportunity to review it again and to use it as a guide as I teach my children to be steadfast and valiant in their preparations to meet God.

Daddies and Daughters

The giggling started almost the second the car pulled out of the garage. Two girls in the back seat, talking and laughing and driving their dad crazy with their silliness. There was nothing for me to do but grin.... from ear to cheek-cracking ear. Their banter was hilarious - sarcastic even (haha, don't know where they learn that stuff!) - and their poor daddy wasn't sure how to process it all. 


"Girls," he said, navigating the SUV through traffic, "that's enough of the arguing." 


"But, we're not arguing, dad," spouted an extra smart 14 year old. "We are merely having a discussion." 


"Sounds like arguing to me," he rolled an accusatory eye my way, as if he thought I was to blame for her smartness. 


"Well, then," an exuberant 11 year old smiled back, "you just aren't listening right. Maybe your hear-ers are broken." 


He peeled his eyes off the road again, this time trying to hide the laughter he was about to unfurl, as he looked at me. "Do you see what you've created?" His hardened face softened. Then, to the delight of his girls, he joined their banter. 

I had the chance earlier this week to have a rare date-night out with my hubby and our two daughters. I'm going to admit, though I missed the boys, it was so good to share some time with a sweet daddy and his girls! Even as I reflect on it, the relationship my husband has with our daughters brings a tear to my eye. There is no doubt in my mind where his devotion is. He treats his girls with such love and tenderness it makes my heart flutter.

If it's true that girls marry boys who are like their daddies, then I am happy for the future of my daughters. They have an amazing dad who laughs and giggles and jokes with the best of them, but when emotions get high and tears start to fall, he's the first to offer a warm embrace and a caring shoulder. 

The influence a good daddy has on his daughters is unmatched. Many girls share bonds with their moms, but how many fathers take the time to nurture their daughters? I am grateful to have married one who does.

125 Calorie Cream Cheese Brownies

Yes, they do exist. And, yes, they are delish! 

I wouldn't call them HEALTHY, but they are definitely HEALTHIER than normal brownies. 

To boast just a few of their benefits, they: 

• Taste deliciously fudgy! No flavor compromises here. 
• Have 100 calories LESS per serving than their non-modified counterparts.                                ONLY 125 CALORIES! You won't believe it, but its true. 
• 1/3 less fat and 1/2 the carbs compared to your typical cream cheese brownies. 
• Umm, cream cheese... need I say more? 

(And, yes, I did eat one for breakfast - as if you even had to ask! *grin*) 

"Healthier" Cream Cheese Brownies 

Ingredients: 

3/4 cup sugar

6 Tbs reduced-calorie stick margarine (don't use tub margarine, it contains too much water)

1 egg

1 egg white

1 Tbs vanilla

1/2 cup flour

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa

----

1 (8oz.) block of 1/3-less-fat cream cheese

1/4 cup Stevia or other "measures-like-sugar" no calorie sweetener

3 Tbs 1% milk

Prep:

Preheat oven to 350*

Spray bottom only of an 8x8 glass baking pan

Beat sugar and margarine with a mixer until light and fluffy. Add egg, egg white, and vanilla. Beat well. 

Gradually add flour and cocoa, mix thoroughly. 

Pour into baking pan.

Beat cream cheese and sweetener until smooth. Add milk. Beat on high until smooth. 

Pour over fudge mix in pan (will be thick!). Using a knife, swirl together to create a marbled effect. 

Bake for 30 -32 minutes. 

Makes 16 servings. 

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION:

                       "Healthier Brownies"   vs . "Normal Brownies"

Servings per batch          16                            16

Calories per serving      125                          220

Fat per serving             6.7g                            9g

Protein                           2.9g                            2g

Carbs                           14.1g                          32g

Sodium                      107mg                     135mg

"I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went ON STRIKE INSTEAD"

A few weeks ago I was honored to meet author Sherri Mills at a signing we were doing together. I was impressed by her wisdom, her kindness, and her wit. And, after a couple of hours laughing with her, I was intrigued about the contents of her book. The title alone had me chuckling and as I opened the pages, I was thrilled to hear Sherri's voice narrating.

From the very first page I was hooked. And, even though my marriage is abundantly happy "I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went On Strike Instead" had tidbits of information that even I could use. On page 76 I found an amazing nugget of wisdom that hit home for me as Sherri discusses: BEING RIGHT VS. BEING HAPPY. Because this concept resonated so deeply with me, I asked Sherri to expand upon it for us. Here's what she had to say:

"My ultimate goal in writing my book ‘I Almost Divorced my Husband but I Went on Strike Instead’ was to do whatever it took to stop the skyrocketing divorce rate.

"In my vast research, I discovered that one of the most difficult things to tackle in a marriage is when couples always have to be right.

"You have to make sure that being right doesn’t get in the way of getting results. Reflect on how tiring it is for you to always have to be right and how that halts progress. If you both have to be right, then the bickering and fighting will be never ending. Yes, you can both feel powerful and beat your chests in victory over the other one, but is that what marriage is about? Have you solved anything by dealing with your problems that way?

"If you always have to be right, the memories of ugly arguments and disappointments are so vivid that those memories can crowd out all of the happy, loving and delightful memories.

If you have to be right all the time, you will find yourself digging up and reviewing, memories of each and every wrong thing your husband does. That way, in the midst of an argument, you can go to your memory bank, point to just the right wrong doing, and win. You do it even if that wrong doing happened weeks, months, or years ago. It never works!

"You will be happier if you can reach that higher level where being right isn’t all that important. Then you can toss out the negative garbage in your brain and clear neural pathways to your treasures—the loving memories---so they are near the surface and the first to be remembered.

Isn’t that what a long lasting loving marriage is all about?"

Well said, Sherri. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and wisdom with us.

Whether your marriage is struggling or not, I recommend you take a peak at "I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went On Strike Instead." I believe there is a little bit of something for every marriage within the pages, including a taste of Sherri's wit and an abundance of her 40+ years of marriage wisdom.

To learn more about Sherri and the background to her book, visit Sherri's website.
To read a sample, check out the reviews, or order your own copy, visit Amazon.